Donuts’ forward pack starts trotting ‘round the back of Tesco Extra towards the five bins. Their five bins!
Before getting well stuck in they need to sit, slouch, or lie down – awaiting clear directions on wot happens second. First happenings being, corss, a bit of pre-game nit-picking and grooming action.
Right then, lads, Donuts inspects the scruma little laters we all in battle rattle?
Suggest we do a roll call first suggests Sausage.
Oh, alright. Umm, yu? commands Donuts
Me? Erh, Drizzle sez Drizzle
Marking him down as Fudge notes Sausage.
Yu? commands Donuts.
Who me? Me Tuffy
Marking him down as One Ear notes Sausage
Ach, forget it – Donuts leads thems off towards the bins ‘round back LET’S GO GIVE IT SOME!
Hanging about the five remarkably well-kept County Council bins they discover a pride of ear-chewed, snub-faced street scratch enjoying the very best of the Tesco Extra daily special – wot, today, happens to be fish.
Wot about the plan lyk? asks Sausage did yu bring it with yu, Donuts?
Gnashers and claws, that’s the plan I got with me sez Drizzle.
I got me large plumb bobs on, is my plan adds Tuffy.
Plan’s to nosh all that Norwegian salmon wraps up Gitorrf!
Corss I got the dog-damned plan Donuts shakes his earflaps at Sausage, wondering which end of him is big enough to hold any intellectuals.
So thens, Drizzle yor Loosehead, Tuffy yor Tighthead and GitOrrf! yor hooker…got it lads?
The fours look at Donuts, then each other, then Donuts again.
Don’t fret lads, it’s simple….GitOrrf! get in the middle!
And wot about yu? asks Sausage.
Scrum half, corss!
Leading from the front, then?
Now, that’s a right ding dong of a plan pants GitOrrf!, suitably impressed at a plan so strategical he don’t quite get one end of it from the other.
Right boyos Barks Donuts let’s do this! Take no prisoners!
Veni vidi vici adds Sausage I came, I saw, I conquered…and wot happens happens!
The whole bunch of right gnarly-looking scratch raise heads from today’s special, Norwegian salmon fishbones stuck to whiskers. As Donuts pushes his forward pack forward, Westley Piddle stops wot it’s doing and holds its breath. Yu can almost hear the nightmare of razor-sharp claws swishing out from a multitude of furry little scratch paws. Game on.
Mister Park opens his eyeballs from a very pleasant chasing dream and lifts an earflap, suddenly alert to a worrisome snifz. He can’t open the other earflap coz he’s lying on it. The snifz is Sherbet and….four of five other Sherbets! The little Jindo rolls off his second favorite chair, pops up his other earflap and pads towards the kitchen, hackles up.
Lying on his powder blue sleeping cushion is Sherbet wrapped ‘round five very small scratch. Sherbet eyes him with utter menace. Don’t even think of coming closer it could almost be saying, if the animal had intellectuals enough to say anything of the sort, that is.
Profit&Loss are standing protectively over Sherbet and its litter.
“don’tyoueventhinkofcomingcloser,MisterPark” they scritch together, closing ‘round the puke-yellow scratch “toldyou,she’sinadelicateway, didn’t we?”
Mister Park sits down, neat and delicate, staring into the kitchen, into his future, aghast.
Now lo-look here, Sherbet he begins.
The forward pack stand at the window of the cat sanctuary in Nelson Avenue, snoutz brushing the glass, tails and stubs motionless. Upon said snoutz a lively tracery of scars and bloody scratches. On the other side, a whole bunch of scratch sit in cages or luxuriate on fur-covered climbing frames, ignoring thems.
As it happens right that very moment, PD Duncan is trotting down Nelson on his community walk.
Word is, yuz boys were in a bit of dogfight he snifz all good, are we?
Not so bad grunts Donuts, bit subdued lyk.
The five fourlegs tear themselves away from the glass and look at the big Dobermann. Each wincing from slices and tears and other odds and sods inflictions covering large areas.
Keep the peace boys, keep the peace and Duncan resumes his patrol, pulling PC Andersen packleader behind him
Donuts looks at the other fours Rematch, boyos?
Let’s nosh first winces GitOrrf! rugby is hungry work
They all think of the Norwegian salmon special at the Tesco Extra five bins. And, then stop thinking about it.
KFC anyone?KFC it is! they all answer, indecently fast
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